It's so weird the dichotomy that exists between a paper and online journal. In so many ways an online blog is written with the consciousness that other people will be reading it, with that being there it can never be entirely real can it? A spiral notebook journal on the other hand is usually written with no intentions of anyone ever reading it except the writer which then allows it to be a place a person can be completely real and an avenue to channeling truth.

I wonder how many people who write an online blog like this also keep a paper journal?

On another note, I was going to order checks today but didn't want to have to reorder them in a month with my new address on it...

I also applied for a credit card today. It's weird how much part of me likes doing shit like that. Ordering checks, paying bills, applying for credit. It all makes me feel so grown up and independent. Maybe that's what it is. It makes me feel independent. Like I can be successful on my own. I can do what I need to do to survive. I can do it all myself. I can be strong and reliable without someone telling me what to do. Maybe that's what I like about paying bills every month, the freedom that comes with being independent. At least there's a silver lining to giving away half my income every month to bills...

I talked to this girl the other day who told me that her dad stills pays her car insurance every month. (She is 28). In a way that's awesome that she has such a supportive and caring father, but at the same time it sucks because she is not completely independent at 28, she's still getting help from her parents.

My parents never had a dime to give me. They lived paycheck to paycheck and still do. They gave my siblings and I whatever they could and their struggles taught me lessons. They taught me to get out there and do what I could to make it. I started babysitting at 12 and was earning 20 dollars every week until age 15 when I started babysitting for a family and earning 100 every week. I got my first real job as a server at 18 and never looked back. I've been working my ass off ever since. Working hard is just that-hard work, but the payoffs are amazing. Something to remember when I'm walking into work tomorrow...